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Things we won’t talk about

There are few things that is off limits that even the closest of friends and families don’t talk about between one another. Politics, religion, abortion, and infertility. If you can talk to your best friend about those things, then good for you. If you can discuss with your mother about your opinion on abortion, then your relationship is better than mine. I’ve discussed those topics with some of my friends and it didn’t ruin the relationship but it did put a damper on the day.

My biggest thing I do not talk to anyone about is infertility. I think mentioning it on this blog is how I told most of my friends about it. It’s not something that is acceptable to talk about within playgroups and your college friends don’t really care because infertility to them means they can party it up without a condom. That’s just a generalization.

But these last 24 hours have been overwhelming for me. I found out someone else in my family is also infertile after trying for many years. And the first minute I read her email I was instantly relieved because I stopped feeling like the freak, but then I didn’t know what else to say or ask.

“Does the pain ever go away when you see another girl get pregnant for the second time since you’ve been trying?”

I don’t want to know the answer to that question because what if the answer is not really. I have the hope that one day I won’t feel that cringe of pain when I see a cute crib or baby toy.

So let’s talk about adoption. Seems like the simplest solution. Well it’s not. It’s actually really expensive and you have to go through multiple interviews and psych evaluations before you’re ever considered to care for a child. We allow 14 year old girls to keep their child, but a married couple with two kids and a home and an income to support that child, well they will just have to wait for the psych evaluation to come in before we will allow that. It blows my mind.

I haven’t discussed this with my husband, but personally if we adopt I want a child with a disability. Being a part of the Tricare health system we get such good healthcare it would be free to the disabled child we would adopt. There so many children that are given up because of their disabilities. But, that would mean I would permanently become a stay at home house wife because of doctors appointments, or hiring someone to help out.

Since I was in high school all I wanted was to go to college, graduate, have children, and become a stay at home mom until they were ready for school. Well I skipped the middle two. I love the opportunity that I’ve had with my step-children, but seeing them reminds me that I cannot have two of my own. Which makes me cry even harder.

Wow. I can’t believe I actually wrote this. I hope someone comes across my blog and reads my story and can relate. I hope another infertile woman can know she’s not the only defective cervix out there. I will get through this and I know now that it gets easier because I wrote this whole thing. I am now able to say the things that are in my mind and I couldn’t do that before.


One thought on “Things we won’t talk about

  1. Everything really does happen for a reason. I believe. I never wanted to have kids early. But oops, I got clumsy with my birth control pills twice and got pregnant, twice. With my second, I even took the morning after pill. Nine months later, I had a beautiful baby girl. But before I had her, I found out that I had what they call ‘pre cancer’. Now I have full blown cervical cancer. Once I get to NY I have to proceed with a hysterectomy. No more kids for me. And if I had not made those birth control mistakes, I probably would have never had kids.

    As for you, God obviously wants you to have a different path. I think it is wonderful that you want to adopt a child with disabilities. I volunteered for six years at my mother’s job, she works with kids with disabilities, they are such a joy. And it is sad when parents don’t want their kids because they are disabled. You obviously can give a child with disabilities so much more than others can. Like myself, our health insurance isn’t all that great so we probably would have to pay for a lot of stuff if we were in those shoes, but if you could get it for free, that would be the greatest gift you could give a child. And even a mother. Not all mothers give up their disabled child because they don’t want them. Some do it because they can’t afford all the cost associated with it and they know that there are people out there that could give this child the medical attention they deserve.

    I think it is a great idea. I think it is wonderful. I read a lot of Jodi Picoult books and she has written several books about children with disabilities that just touch your heart. I love her as an author. She is amazing. I’m sure you’ve heard of ‘My sister’s keeper’. You should read ‘Handle with Care’ I’m actually about to read that book for the second time. I read it about three years ago. There is this other story that was amazing. Forgot the title. Ahh. About a boy with Asperger’s. I will look up the name. Sorry. One more title. ‘Change of heart’. Amazing story. That has to be my favorite novel.

    I just realized I side tracked. But anyways. You’re an amazing person. God has a path for you. Don’t lose faith and always try to be positive. If you adopt a disabled child, that is amazing. You’re an angel in disguise. Everything will be OK.

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