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The Pipe Dream of Co-Parenting



I had a dream last night that the children’s birth mother became magically nice to me. That she started talking to me and being a friend. That she wanted to be a part of the children’s lives and she wanted to actually co-parent.

The thing is, I want to co-parent. I want to know her opinion and be involved in raising the kids. I want her to be aware that the kids don’t get white sugar anymore unless it’s organic white sugar. I want to tell her that the kids eat Greek yogurt with homemade granola and I use that same granola and put chocolate in it for a treat for the kids.

She misses so much being across the country and the decisions she makes for the kids aren’t really about the kids. She wanted the kids from the Saturday after school let out for the summer until the weekend before school started. She thought it was unfair for us to ask for them 10 days before school started to get them readjusted to the time change. She didn’t care about the kids not being ready for school or tired, she cared about her “quality” time with them. She doesn’t want quality, she wants quantity. When she took it to court, she lost the first three weeks of summer and the last three weeks.

For example, her child is due around the time of Christmas. Instead of taking Thanksgiving with the kids and we were going to let them miss 2 days of school, she wanted Christmas. There was only going to be about one day difference between the two vacations. Instead of taking Thanksgiving and spending time alone with the kids and actually having quality time with them, she wanted Christmas. When it was brought up that she could go into labor while the kids were there, she stated “They can witnesses the miracle of child birth”. Who will watch the kids while she’s in labor, who will watch the kids while she spends the night in the hospital, who will watch the kids when she’s exhausted form a c-section? (She has to have a c-section because she has Herpes, and well you risk passing it to your child through vaginal birth)

She doesn’t care about the kids and the quality of time with them. She isn’t going to send their Christmas presents home with them. She’s going to keep their toys that “Santa” gave them. It’s a tease. She is going to be EXHAUSTED after having a newborn. She isn’t going to spend quality time with them. She’s going to be annoyed by them when it’s 8 a.m. and she’s been up all night with the infant and the kids want breakfast and to go play and they want granola not oatmeal and they can’t stop running and Abby is having a melt down about what she’s going to wear for the day.

I know this post turned into a rant, but I want her to be a part of their lives. I want her to stop bad mouthing me. I want her to stop thinking I broke up her marriage.

She told people that I was having an affair with Justin and that’s why she took off. Someone better tell my ex-boyfriend that I was having an affair, because it never happened. She told people that I was a “tag chaser”, which is probably the most insulting of them all. I never wanted to date my husband, he pursued me. I never wanted to move in with my husband, he bought me the dog that had me move in. I never wanted to have a long distance relationship, he promised me that it would work. I never wanted to have a joint bank account, he forced me into it. I liked being his friend and hanging out, he always wanted more. I never “chased” after him, and I definitely didn’t want him because he was a soldier. No matter what people tell you, being a soldier’s girlfriend is really not glamorous.

I love my step-children so much that I just call them my children. When it is Mother’s day I have them make cards for her, and Justin takes them to buy one for me. And at Christmas time, they will pick out a gift for their little brother and I will purchase it for them. I am not bitter that they have a little brother or that they are going there for Christmas. I hope while they are there she will realize what’s best for the kids, and become more involved.

I am a dreamer though.


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